A: For young children, at least up to 5 or 6 years old, it can be quite common for them to very frequently ask to buy what seems like everything on the shelf! On the one hand, it makes a lot of sense developmentally. For instance, they tend to say whatever they're thinking at the moment, they do actually want just about everything they see and, hey, there it is just waiting to be put in the cart. Moreover, think of how they see us shop as adults. We go to the store, say "we need this" or "I want to get that" and it winds up back at home. In their minds, they want the same power, even though they, of course, aren't thinking through the fact that things cost x amount of money and you can't buy everything!

Still, on the other hand, the "I-wanna-buy-that" routine can get downright tiresome, to say the least. Make sure you aren't reinforcing it by giving them what they ask for even though you already said "no." Be sure all the adults who go shopping with them are consistent and firm. If one parent, grandparent, or whoever, tends to give in - or always gives in! - then children want and expect all other adults to do the same. Wouldn't you?

Try telling them, if it's the grocery store for instance, that they can choose what type or kind of something to buy, such as which cereal to buy, so they do feel they have some power over purchases. But, that they lose that choice if they whine about buying other things. Finally, consider setting up trips to the store with the sole aim of teaching them that whining about buying stuff means you will drive straight home. Kids hate having to leave a store or place they like, and this can prove a potent lesson to them. Just don't try this when it's a store you must finish shopping at, because then you probably wouldn't follow through with the lesson! Good luck!

A: Yes, they could be, and sounds like they absolutely are, very scared of hurricanes, no matter where you live. Fears about weather are very common for children, and hurricanes can be particularly terrifying to them.

Think about the descriptors we use about hurricanes, and you'll realize that in a child's mind it sounds like we are describing a living, breathing being, and a nasty one at that! Hurricanes have names, "human" names; we also describe them as "her" and "she," and how many people she killed and houses she destroyed; they have an eye (one eye, perhaps even scarier to a child than two eyes!); and, it's not uncommon to hear a news or weather person talking about one being a "monster storm."

Think about what a child might see, too, in the news that would further reinforce that fear. They can actually see that eye, see the storm rotating (often looking like a huge saw blade spinning on the t.v. screen), and see "her" filling the entire t.v. screen she is so gigantic. To a child, that can mean the hurricane is so huge that it must be everywhere, including far from any coastline, and precisely where they live, too. In the case of this year's storms, the magnitude was, of course, so large that they continue to dominate the news. Children see all of that - even for a split second - in the news and all of the fear I just described takes over. Not really any surprise when you think about it from their perspective! More importantly, from your description of things I would strongly suggest taking them both to talk with a therapist about their fears to help them cope and move past this.

A: What should you do? Well, my first thought is to strongly suggest that you do not jump at the chance to send your son off to live with dad!

Why? Your son, like all kids, needs a loving, safe, and secure environment. I don't know if dad is loving or not, but you certainly do not paint a picture of safety and security with him [particularly in your unedited question]. I know a lot of people talk about "boys needing their fathers," especially as teenagers. However, as a child psychologist I know of no research or other compelling reason why a boy "needs" to live in the type of environment you describe. It just doesn't make sense.

Now, with that said, you might consider calling dad or even arranging a meeting with him to get a feel for how he's doing. If you're not sure if your "sources" are accurate and honest in their description of dad currently, then by all means check into it yourself. You could even tell dad that your son has made mention of maybe living with him, and seeing what dad's reaction is. In my experience, those parents (mothers OR fathers) who aren't ready or able to parent at any given time tend to make it known that they really don't want to take that task and responsibility on. The bottom line is that if you're not sure about all of this, then check out the facts to see what, if any, relationship seems o.k. between your son and his father now.

What about your son? Well, have you asked him directly why he wants to live with dad? Sometimes kids say this for a fairly unrealistic reason (e.g., "I bet dad will let me drop out of school in the 7th grade, but you won't, mom!"). Could it be that your son would be satisfied with even a regular telephone conversation with dad? The fact is, if you're unsure why your son wants this so much now, ask him. And talk about the reasons he gives you.

What else? Let's say it turns out that dad really is totally incapable of being an appropriate and responsible parent at this time. At 12 years old, your son could probably understand the basic details of why that is. Other than those basic details, you can also tell him that some folks just aren't ready to be good parents when they need to be. Play it by ear, and decide then if you think it would be helpful to have your son talk with a child psychologist in person. It might be.

Finally, if your son really does say - in so many words - that he just wants to be around male role models more, then consider calling Big Brothers in your local area. Other than that, I have seen parents of boys have success in either getting an adult male relative or other good role model to spend more time with them.

A: Thanks! If you're in the Austin, Texas area, I see patients through my clinical practice at Austin Psychotherapy Associates, 512-231-0164. There's more information on the Professional Directory page on Ask a Child Psychologist.com - click on Texas for me. There's also more information on my clinical practice at www.austinpsych.com.

If you're not in Texas, you may check our Professional Directory for individual therapists in your state. We're hoping to add more professionals to the directory soon. (Hey, all you professionals out there - sign up now! Email me via the Contact Us page about our special rates in honor of our site's anniversary.)

A: I absolutely agree with you. "Friends" is typically one joke about sex, or at least some adult subject matter, after another, and non-stop from beginning to end.

Now, don't get me wrong. I am certainly no prude. I've seen it, and it can be very funny. The fact is, though, that this particular show is NOT for kids this age. Do some, or even many, young children "get" to watch it? Yes, unfortunately, they do. In those cases, though, I'm not sure many of the parents really know what most of the subject matter is. In other cases, I've seen some parents let their kids, of all ages, watch pretty much anything - anything - on the air.

At what age is it "o.k."? I can't give a set age, but from a professional perspective I have reservations about it for anyone under the late middle school or junior high school grades. At that point parents have to decide on a case by case basis, consistent with their own values and taking the kids' maturity levels into account. The bottom line question to ask yourself then: "How would my child interpret all of these double-entendres and this subject matter, and how might it change their behavior?". Of course, let's not be naive. By that age, many or virtually all(?) teens make their television watching decisions on their own.

A: In a word, yes. So normal, in fact, can you guess where the phrase "potty humor" came from? This is most common among 3 to 6 year olds and stems from their recent potty training efforts, young sense of humor, and fascination with the newfound possibilities of the human body! Your son is laughing because 1) he really is saying it in humor, and 2) at least some - if not all - other children and adults laugh at (and reinforce) it when he does so.

What to do? It will decrease, and stop, over time. If you want that to happen sooner than later then, first, ignore it as much as possible. That is, no looking at him or talking to him, at all, when he does it. Second, put limits on when he can say it, who he can say it to/with, and that he cannot say it in anger (as in sort of like a pint-size curse word). Otherwise, a normal negative consequence should occur, such as going to his room where only he could hear himself say it, or perhaps having a true time-out if the particular episode warrants it.

Otherwise, don't worry. Again, it's quite normal, and it won't last forever!

A: I think that you're really asking two questions. The first one seems to be: Is it safe to fly? That one I cannot answer, especially with many aviation and security experts apparently unable to give a definitive yes to that. With that said, however, just be aware that how you answer that question yourself helps determine how you talk to your kids and what you can say to comfort them. The bottom line there is that if YOU don't feel it's safe to fly, then your children will either sense that and/or know it outright. The second question then is: How do I comfort them and decrease their fears and anxieties? Since they're both essentially teenagers, one basic way is to talk with them openly about the facts and information as you know it. There's no point trying to hide or gloss over information since at their ages they have probably seen and heard plenty of news, even if filtered through their friends. Through their questions and statements, they'll tell you what they are worried about and what they need to know - just answer things as best you can. Then, assuming you feel it is safe to fly (safe enough that you are actually going to fly, that is), tell your kids why, including all of the new safety measures that are in place. Another thing that might help here is to point out to your kids that there is, and always has been, risk in every mode of travel that you take...but that you have always remained safe before, and probably always will. You might point out that tragic events with airplanes are very, very rare. Still, there is one other implicit question that I think you're asking, and I would bet that your kids are wondering: What would happen to us if mom died? In fact, I would be amazed if your kids, and you, have NOT been wondering about that. Tragedies such as this raise that question in kids' and parents' minds. For this, you tell them all of the arrangements that you have in place, as one part of being a good parent, should anything happen to you for ANY reason. That includes who their legal guardians would be, living and financial arrangements, and so on as written in your will (you do have a will, right?). I know that this was not an explicit part of your question to me, but trust me on this...talking about the latter issues will probably get more to the heart of your children's fears and anxieties, and in comforting them, than anything else would.

A: I can't tell you how many children, and of EVERY age, I see out late in the evening, usually even on school nights, and I don't mean just in the summer, either. Go to the grocery store at 11 p.m., and there's a 6-year-old or similar age in every aisle; go to the movies at 9:30, and there are plenty of very young kids there going into movies; and so on. With that said, I have to then think about all of the children I have met in my office with similar histories who are just plain sleepy and tired all day every day. Your daughter needs to know that the 2-year-old needs anywhere from 10-12 hours of sleep per night, and then still nap also. The other children probably easily need 9-10 hours, and they still may nap at times, also. The way you describe it, all of them are probably getting 2 or even 3 hours less sleep than they need nightly. So, of course they're cranky and sleepy! I hope their health is otherwise ok, but health can be affected too from insufficient sleep. And, yes, the 2-year-old could well be acting out at daycare simply because of this. I've seen plenty of children who do. I hope your daughter pays heed to this but, if not, I'm sure you'll do whatever you can to make sure your grandchildren are o.k.

A: Based on what you've said, I would have to concur with your pediatrician on this. Sleep Terrors, sometimes called Night Terrors or Pavor Nocturnus, are a real phenomenon. They usually occur in children from about 4-12 years of age, most often in 4- and 5-year-olds. A sleep terror episode usually begins with a panicky scream or crying out loudly, with children sounding completely terrified. Indeed, they generally appear quite frightened and anxious, often with rapid breathing, sweating, etc. Children may also seem awake, but they are not awake, even if their eyes are wide open. All of this leads most parents (quite logically, I think) to believe that their children are having nightmares. However, we know that sleep terrors and nightmares are different in many significant ways. Sleep terrors tend to occur during deep sleep and during the first third or half of the night. Children are very difficult to awaken, and if they can be awakened they usually report a general sense of fear and terror rather than any nightmare content. They usually cannot remember anything about the episode the next morning. Nightmares tend to occur during REM sleep and during the later part of the night. Children can usually be awakened easily and can usually recount the vivid details, or story, of the nightmare. They also can typically remember a fair amount of the nightmare the next morning. What causes sleep terrors? We don't really know, but they do tend to be more frequent when children are overly tired and during periods of significant stress. They also tend to run in the family, which suggests some biological/genetic component. What should you do? Try to relax. They should not be harmful to your daughter even though they may terrify you! Just make sure she is safe, and that she doesn't fall out of bed, or get up (asleep, remember) and hurt herself accidentally. You can comfort her if she will allow it, but if talking to her or touching her makes her more agitated (and it does to many children during sleep terrors), then stop. If she mentions something about it in the morning, fine, but otherwise there is no point bringing it up. Your pediatrician is right, they should stop on their own soon but, if not, feel free to talk with him further about it.

A: First, take a deep breath. What you are describing is not that unusual in any respect. Many parents come to see me with essentially the same type of story, and often, just like you, when a younger sibling begins exhibiting the same behaviors. I see two basic questions here. One question is “why does this happen?” I have to leave it to you to know if there is anything obvious, such as he routinely doesn’t get enough sleep, he has a speech/language delay or other developmental problem, there have been other major family stressors, etc. Even if your son’s tantrums started out simply due to the changes associated with your daughter’s birth (and that may be true), something else now likely explains his behavior. Remember, children’s behavioral problems can start for one reason and continue for another. So, what may better explain his behavior now? I have to suspect that it is related to the major differences in how you and your husband respond to his tantrums. As it is now, your son has learned that a tantrum with dad will likely result in getting what he wants. He has learned that a tantrum with mom will likely result in not getting what he wants. So, sometimes a tantrum pays off for him, and sometimes it doesn’t…unfortunately, any behavior that earns a payoff sometimes, as opposed to never or always, tends to happen more often! (Remember, adults pump trillions of quarters into slot machines all because they pay off sometimes.) Your son’s behavior is even worse now with you because he is trying to get you to give in like dad does. The other question, then, is “what do you do about it?” Try these steps and see what happens. If after doing this you don’t see a significant improvement in a month or so, I would suggest seeing a child psychologist or other professional in person for more in-depth help. First, you and your husband should meet (no kids allowed!) to discuss this, with the goal of agreeing that you have to work together, and with a united front, to stop the tantrums. Second, each of you should make a list of the top 3 rules for behavior that you want in your house – don’t look at, or talk about, one another’s lists until you’re done. Then discuss your lists and combine them into one list of no more than 3 rules that you both agree that you will fully and consistently enforce in your household. One rule will probably be something like: “Do what mom and dad say.” Most parents find that that rule addresses most tantrum behaviors. Third, remind each other to frequently, and I mean frequently, praise your children for following those rules – those are the behaviors you want to reinforce or provide a payoff for. Fourth, when a tantrum occurs you have to respond to it appropriately. When your child tantrums over not getting something that he cannot have, totally ignore the tantrum. That means don’t look at him or even glance at him, and do not talk to him at all. And, certainly don’t give him what he wanted. When he tantrums as a way to get out of doing something, then you cannot ignore that. You did not tell me what type of discipline you generally use, but the bottom line is that you should always provide a consequence to this type of tantrum. Your child cannot see a tantrum as something that earns the payoff of not having to do what he is told. Good luck, and remember the tantrums may get worse before they get better. Until they see proof that you will both be consistent and that there will be no payoff for their tantrums, both children may test you more, so hang in there!